DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES CANNOT AGREE ON HOW TO LOSE THE ELECTION

(Iowa) As the Iowa caucus approaches, a new problem confronts Democratic Presidential hopefuls: how will they lose the election for their party? Candidates are competing for the party's nod to leave the nation flabbergasted with a Trump 2020 victory. Current President Trump has been impeached, had dozens of scandals - both personal and professional, and appears to be unable to construct a comprehensible sentence. With polls showing that President Trump's approval rating is historically low and much of the country supporting an impeachment conviction, a 2020 victory would seem inevitable for the Democrats.
"I have a plan for that!" said Elizabeth Warren.
"This could be your only chance to lose on a gay, veteran mayor," cut in Pete Buttigieg.
"I have been on the losing side - the only right side, the opposite side as the 1% - since before any of you were born!" bellowed Bernie Sanders.
"Don't you remember how great it was to lose with Barack Obama in office? Well, your Uncle Joe is here to bring those days back!" commented the only person who would say something like that.
"Under my administration, everyone would be guaranteed to lose - that kind of loss always spurs economic growth and intellectual productivity," said Andrew Yang.
Amy Klobuchar was not popular enough to be reached for a statement.
As the sane population of the planet Earth collectively cries into various bottles of booze, screams into the void, or silently and grimly loads three chambers out of six before spinning the cylinder several times, Trump supporters are still able, somehow, to look at themselves in the mirror and publish things like this.
The Democratic party still has a long way to go to lose the election, despite its track record of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. The youth, civil justice, women's rights, anti-Russia, anti-Fascist, and sane vote appear to have united in a way that was absent in the 2016 election. In response, Hillary Clinton has injured herself rolling her eyes right out of their sockets.