(Washington, DC) - In yet another historic move, President Donald Trump has nominated himself to the Supreme Court of the United States. Despite Democratic efforts to undermine potential nominees, forestall a Senate vote, and otherwise hamper the President's right to appoint a justice, they were taken completely by surprise with this unprecedented piece of political gamesmanship.
"You're kidding, right?" said Senate minority leader, Chuck Schumer, "This is totally illegal. It's unconstitutional. In Art. I, Sec. 6, -"
"Yeah, Chuck. Sure," interrupted President Trump. "Nobody's ever even heard of what you're talking about. It's just more of your Democratic back channel that's trying to sabotage my Presidency."
"No, it's in the Constitution," remarked Schumer.
"You say that," retorted the President, "but, idiot says, 'what.'"
"Excuse me?" replied Schumer.
"Idiot says, 'what,'" repeated the President.
"What?" asked Schumer.
There was much applause and laughter from the President and his supporters.
"You'll be impeached," commented House Majority Leader, Nancy Pelosi. "You'll be impeached, and it will be open and shut."
"Uh uh," said Trump. "Double Jeopardy. Great movie. The hot Judd was in it back when she was hot. I can shoot you right in the middle of Mardi Gras. Like, you already tried to impeach me. You can't... You can't do it again. Like, I can do whatever I want now. No collusion. Fake News. In Jesus name we pray. Read the transcript. Make America Great Again."
"That's not how..." began Pelosi. She stopped speaking, looked at the President, and said, "The American people will see you in court."
"I know! Where do you think I'll be being Supreme?"
Constitutional scholars, lawyers, and YouTube personalities have been investigating the legality of Trump's nomination since he announced it at noon today. While it appears to be at very least a blatant violation of the emoluments clause of the US Constitution, it very likely breaks other statutes.
"The separation of powers into three distinct branches of government are enshrined as the foundation of our democracy," wrote Dr. Jacob Ansley of Georgetown University. "This cannot be legal. Absolutely not."
However, any number of YouTube celebrities have pointed out that Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden may have broken laws in the past which surely exculpates the current President from any guilt while he is President, possibly entitling him to a third and potentially fourth term, "if they don't shut up and quit being so annoying."
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