"You have to understand that God has a plan," says Graham Smith (R-ND), "If we accept that then we accept that the minute a person thinks about the possibility of a baby, that baby is alive - God... God put that idea of a baby into that person's head. He controls all things. They are all part of His plan."
Introduced by Jim Ricci (R-ND), the legislation would protect theoretical zygotes by the outright banning of all prophylaxes, the decriminalization of consensual rape, and a measure that strips women of all rights that could potentially interfere with their becoming pregnant at the behest of any man, ever.
"We need to get right to the heart of the matter," Ricci said in an interview, "The pro-choice movement is about murder - whether that is the murder of a zygote, a fetus, a baby, or a concept of a baby. Do you think it's any accident that the first part of the word 'conception' is 'concept'? God has a plan, and who are to try to thwart that? Pro-choice implies that they think that they can choose better than God. You know who else thought that? Lucifer. Lucifer thought that."
When asked if the bill would have any provisions for rape or incest, Ricci replied, "Those are ugly words that are meant to detract from the beauty that is God's plan. All things are beautiful. All things are real. Anything evil is there as a test. Anything good is there as a blessing. All things are from God."
Officially named HB 132, the "Concept" Bill has drawn ire from Democrats, the pro-choice movement, philosophers, and pretty much anyone who is not completely insane.
"You've gotta be s****ing me," remarked Denise Alderman, one of the state's Democratic congresswomen. "This is real? I thought one of the interns was pulling my leg."
Rep. Alderman declined to comment further as she was getting her passport paperwork together. Her office later released a statement, saying, "I'd advise all US residents to do the same. Get ahead of the refugee rush. Get out now."
