(United States of America) With the historic impeachment of the forty-fifth President of the United States of America, 323 million Americans have come forward as constitutional scholars. The sudden emergence of this expertise saturation has driven down the wages of advanced degree holders across the country. Despite an inability to produce certificates or degrees of any sort, many of the emergent bastions of knowledge are able to point out key bits of content specific knowledge, such as, "Impeachment is just the trial. It doesn't mean that Trump is out of office until he's convicted," and, "The Senate holds the impeachment proceedings. They're acting as the jury."
Uncertain of how to handle this sudden manifestation of knowledge, many Americans are in shock.
"I thought Uncle Jimmy only knew about NASCAR and the inventory of Bass Pro Shops," commented Rachel Accanti of Golden Plains, NY. "Turns out, he knows all about the United States Constitution!"
Families across the country are experiencing a similar phenomenon.
"The Constitution isn't clear on what an impeachable offense actually is. High crimes and misdemeanors could mean a lot of different things," said Jerry Franklin of Lubbock, TX. "But, it isn't clear from the transcript that President Trump did any of those things? I mean, what constitutes a 'High Crime'? Read the transcript people. You need to read the transcript."
"This really is quite unusual," said Franklin Cummings, the Chair of Constitutional Studies at Doyle State University. "It may have to do with the university industrial complex, grade inflation, or the lack of manufacturing jobs driving the unprepared into higher ed. We've just never seen this number of people who have advanced degrees in this field - or any other field - while simultaneously being unable to answer the most rudimentary questions." After clearing his throat, Dr. Cummings added, "It's quite possible that they attended Trump University."
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