(Not a Country with What You Would Call Freedom) An inspiring display took place in a country that, while not the United States of America, actually does exist. A Hollywood celebrity and/or New York business man, who by dint of market forces, circumstances, absurd societal values, and perhaps some smattering of talent has been able to acquire more currency than they will be able to spend in a life time, has recently donated money to help better the lives of non-US residents. The expenditure of currency that represents more labor hours than any person has in their lifetimes was considered incredibly generous by a benighted public, most of whom have never heard of the country and would be unable to find it on a map.
"It's just really important for me to give back to the world," commented the plutocrat. "I mean, I am so lucky to have so much. I really have been blessed."
God could not be reached for comment on this blessing, as any deity who allowed for this sort of allocation of resources would not be the sort to bless things anyway.
"It's so inspiring to see people give this kind of money," said Katie Brumbauch, a middle-class fan of this sort of thing. "I mean, can you imagine? That's more money than I am ever going to see in my lifetime, and they just gave it to those people. I know, they're still incredibly rich, and always will be, but I mean, they just give the money away."
When confronted with the fact that people possessing this level of wealth are giving infinitesimal amounts of their resources and often doing it so as to not have to pay taxes, Brumbauch was unable to respond other than to say, "But, they just give so much money!"
Despite the indications that the rise in the American standard of living has begun to slow, and many indices point out that the population lags behind the post-industrialized world in things like Health Care, Worker's Rights, Democratic Freedom, and Education, many residents of the United States remain enthralled by the comparatively paltry gifts from people like Joel Osteen, who could not be reached for comment because he was too busy smoking the scrotums of various endangered species because he, in his words, "can, motherfucker, what are you going to do about it?"
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