Saturday, March 7, 2020

BIDEN ATTACKS NAZI PROTESTOR AT SANDERS RALLY, CONFUSING UNDECIDED VOTERS

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(Phoenix, AZ) After a white supremacist was escorted from a Sanders rally for holding a flag with swastika on it, condemnation for the act resounded from most corners of the United States of America. While seen as more of a political moderate, former Vice President Joe Biden responded to the act, saying that attacks of this nature were "beyond the pale." His clear condemnation of the act has caused bewilderment among many moderates and undecided voters.
"Sanders is so far left," said Tricia Jarrett, a math teacher from Flagstaff, AZ, "and Trump is so far right. I feel like maybe Biden should have met us part way between the two. But, condemning that man like that... I don't feel like that's middle of the road at all. Does this mean that he's a flaming leftist like Bernie?"
Conservatives were quick to point out how divisive American politics has become, saying that Biden's "party line" denunciation of a white supremacist is exactly what the public has come to expect from Democrats.
"This is America," said Jerry Benson, a proud Republican and property manager from Greets, MO. "No one can tell you what to say and when to say it. Maybe, the Demon-crats - I thought of that myself - are trying to turn us into Venezuela where you gotta eat grass and can't say whatever you want, but my grand daddy fought against them red and yellows along the 38th parallel in Korea. I'm sure that whatever that guy had to say, he probably wasn't willing to abide by all their snowflake malarkey. How can you condemn a man for what he believes? You can't kill an ideal. You can't. You can try. But, you can't kill an idea, and that's what them Demon-crats are trying to do."
When it was pointed out that the man was waving a swastika flag, Jerry Benson raised an eyebrow and responded by showing his tattoo of the same symbol on his arm.
"Hail Trump," he said. "I am one of those very nice people on this side. But you get in my way, you're gonna find out that I am not one of those nice people. You know what I mean?"
We, at the Big Tobacco, did not know what he meant.
Biden, who in 1975 told a newspaper that he "did not buy" the idea that black Americans should be given "a head start" or that white Americans should be "held back" because historical suppression, has been adamant on his record of supporting civil rights. This is despite his "moderate" stance of courting billionaires and the banking industry, both of which are hallmarks of a capitalist system, without which slavery and systemic oppression could never have existed.

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