COVID-19 TESTS POSITIVE FOR DONALD TRUMP

You're Tired

(Donald Trump's Body) - After having taken the lives of over a million people worldwide, the novel coronavirus, known as COVID-19 has been diagnosed with an infection of Donald Trump. It is unknown how the forty-fifth President of the United States will affect the virus, but scientists worry about the potential compound effect of infection in the human population. There is a possibility of a spike later in this fall, if Americans do not inoculate against the President by November 3rd.

It is believed that the President infected the coronavirus in any of the dozens of various occasions when he was not wearing a mask in public, mocking the wearing of masks, calling the democratic response to the virus a hoax, and not issuing a nationwide mask mandate. The fallout of this has caused nearly every sovereign state on the planet to close borders and ports of call with the United States.

"We've got coronavirus," said Justin Trudeau. "We don't need Trump in here, too. Please, citizens of the United States, do the reasonable thing and vote for the viable candidate who wears a mask in public. Please, vote for the candidate who hasn't been courting supporters by hosting enormous events that flout mask laws from local government."

Leaders around the world echoed the sentiment with the exception of Vladimir Putin, who released this message to the UN:

It would be unbelievable that prejudice of this sort is aimed at the current President of the United States, but it is the history of the international community to be entrenched against pathogens. Why? We have plenty of other weapons. I would like to use this opportunity to call on the global community to end the prejudice against biowarfare weapons. We can end this together.

The President made some remarks from Walter Reed Medical Center, but our editor was unable to find enough pairable subjects and predicates to make a full statement.