Nation's Humor Websites Running Out of Ways to Make Mass Shootings Funny

 

The red dots will eventually form pustules and run.

(USA) With two mass shootings within days of each other, denizens of the United States are and have been numbing to the presence of this kind of violence in their daily lives. Many gave up hope after the Sandy Hook shooting that claimed the lives of twenty-six people, twenty of whom were children. The logic is basically that when twenty children are slaughtered by a madman with a gun, someone will probably do something about the presence of guns. No substantial regulation has been passed since then. Right wing ideologues went so far as to deny that the Sandy Hook shooting ever happened, claiming an overblown conspiracy to try to limit Second Amendment rights. The idea that crisis actors were employed to drum up public support for gun control was echoed after the shooting in Parkland, Florida that claimed the lives of seventeen people.

"It's a crisis," says satirical blogger, Owen Fredrick of San Antonio, TX. "I don't think people realize how this dichotomy is playing out in the media. You know, the actually fake media. The Onion doesn't even try anymore. They just run the same headline because it's, well, it's the same old story. It's something like, ''No Way to Prevent This,' Says Only Nation Where It Regularly Happens.' It might be because there really isn't a single damn funny thing about shootings like this. But, you know, it's our job to try and make it funny. Laughter is a coping mechanism, and since the government is in the thrall of the gun industry, no one's going to do anything. So what is there for it? Coping. Right? I don't know. I just can't find it funny."

"It's hilarious," says Strategic Armory Corps, LLC executive Marcus Jackson. "A good shooting now and then scares the bejeezus out of the public. You get your lesbians out in the street screaming about taking away the AR-15, and all the NPR bozos saying that we need to restore the assault weapons ban. But we own them. We own the guys who make the decisions. So, even though it's nothing to worry about, the gun owners freak out because they think that their rights are going to be stripped away, and they buy a shit ton of guns so that they can hold onto them if there's some sort of lefty takeover. I'm sorry, did I say the quiet part out loud? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Yeah, well, guess what? I don't care. The fact is nothing is going to change. Nothing."

Mr. Jackson was unable to be reached for further comment because the Big Tobacco hung up on him. 

Mr. Frederick had this to say, "Maybe, this week, I'll run a title about the 'Mental Health Crisis' that gun nuts are always pointing at when a white guy goes out and ventilates a preschool or a drug store. I actually agree that there is a mental health crisis - several of them, in fact. The one that ought to be addressed in terms of the Second Amendment is the fact that we keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. What's that sound like to you? Anything else dealing with mental health, these are the same people who are pushing the kind of toxic get-up-and-go that creates issues like this. They don't want to fund mental health support systems, but they want to point at it as a crisis every time someone says there's a problem with guns. That's insane! It really is. And, now that I've explained it out loud, it's not funny anymore! Argh! What the hell am I going to write about?"