FORMER PRESIDENT OBAMA INHABITS AMAZON CEO'S BODY TO BREAK LAWS IN THE PAST

 

Well now, this is confusing.

(It's Complicated) - Corroborating the long held suspicions of people who would do anything to double down on having voted for or supported former President Donald Trump, a new conspiracy has made its way into the public sphere. Having noted the resemblance between the Trump campaign's inaugural committee chairman, Thomas Barrack, and Jeff Bezos, people have begun to speculate that while reportedly in space, the former Amazon CEO actually went into the past to break lobbying laws on behalf of the United Arab Emirates, in order to further soil the (otherwise spotless) reputation of the forty-fifth President.

Also because of the spelling similarity between Barrack's surname and the given name of the forty-fourth President, the conjecture has added that, because Bezos was purportedly in space recently, perhaps former President Barack (not Barrack) Obama was able to possess the body of the billionaire. Many (more than you would guess) believe that targeting Donald Trump was the entire goal of the Obama administration. For instance, the absolutely concrete evidence of YouTubers and Men in Trucks With iPhones has shown beyond a shadow of a doubt that Donald Trump was able to prove that Barack Obama's birth certificate was inauthentic and a plot of Satan.

"Bezos was in space," remarked Chris Foster of Tampa Bay, FL. "You know the kind of crazy stuff that happens up there? Watch a movie, man. Stuff's insane. Do I believe that Obama's spirit entered Bezos' physical body so that they could go back in time and do stuff that would mess with the Trump campaign? The better question is do you not-not unbelieve it?"

Allen Buell, an ethanol processing companion of Foster's, had this to add:

"It's so obvious. It's, like, a vulgar display of power. The guy's name was supposedly 'Barrack;' it was totally a signal to the other time-travelling Satanists who are gearing up for Armageddon with Biden. Ever catch that about 46's name? It's 'Bye, then.' If that isn't a signal that the apocalypse is, like, here, then I don't know what is."

The Big Tobacco would like to issue a formal apology to anyone who has tried to piece this together; there was more to the conspiracy theory than this, but what few quarks remain from the ethics of journalism were enough to stop the publication of this sort of thing. We value your readership and hope to have better news to present to you soon.