WORLD FEDERATION OF ENGINEERING ORGANIZATIONS: WE NEED TO EVACUATE THE PLANET

 

It'll all probably work out, most likely...

(Paris, France) - In the wake of a tragic condominium complex collapse in Florida, many in the United States are wondering how the catastrophe could have been avoided. Since the incident that has left more than twenty dead and over a hundred missing, information has surfaced indicating that warnings were ignored to calamitous effect. Meanwhile, a severe heatwave is scorching the western portion of the country, and many cities are reporting record-breaking temperatures.

The World Federation of Engineering Organizations has released as a statement with regard to the current state of the global climate crisis:

"We need to evacuate as soon as possible," said Dr. Rosalind Langlais of the WFEO. "Our politicians have failed to make the prevention of climate change a priority, and we are passing tipping points as quickly as we figure out what they are. Hope to avoid catastrophic change has passed, and we need to figure out a way to abandon the planet if we want to ensure the continued survival of the human race. At this point, inaction would be worse than suicidal; it would be tantamount to committing suicide by eating a poisoned version of your own will. It doesn't make any sense."

The UN seconded the need for action on the part of every nation. Globally, scientists have been calling for carbon taxes, commitments to solar and wind power, and new goals on the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions. But the United States of America, China, Israel, Russia, and the United Kingdom all said that they were 'busy,' and would make no other statements.

"You're not listening," said Dr. Langlais. "We're not saying that you need to act to prevent catastrophe; we're saying that it's too late. Humanity needs to evacuate from the Earth before our hens come home to roost. They already are, but by the time it's obvious as to what will happen, we'll be facing, perhaps not extinction, but a destruction of human society on a scale that's never happened before."

"The concerns of the WFEO are obviously worrisome," said President Biden. "We will start working on climate change immediately after we figure out bipartisanship, healthcare, immigration, infrastructure, civil rights, and why a raven is like a writing desk. We plan to take decisive action, as is the American way, when it works with what we've got going on. So, I'm thinking the third Tuesday after never?"

Dr. Langlais could not comment as her mouth was full of the revolver with which she was playing Russian roulette.