(Bethesda, MD) In his tour of Walter Reed Medical Center, President Donald Trump wore a mask, a move that surprised many of his followers and critics alike. While both downplaying the virus' severity and exaggerating the success and timeliness of his administration's response, the President has repeatedly mocked others for having worn masks, a recommendation from his own health advisors and the CDC. There have been liberals and conservatives who have both championed and decried the efficacy of mask wearing, but data shows that the President's supporters are around six times more likely to refuse. What has truly confused the President's supporters, however, was not his wearing of a mask, it was the lack of response from sufferers of what they refer to as Trump Derangement Syndrome.
The term has been copied from supporters of the previous President, Barack Obama, whose supporters copied it from the supporters of George W. Bush. It is used as a pejorative to claim that the referent has lost the ability to reason with regard to the President in question. When asked about the pathology of Trump Derangement Syndrome, Dr. Francis Dunmore of Gerschwitz University had this to say:
"You cannot be serious. I won't answer this line of inquiry on the grounds that it demeans the entire field of study. Get out of my office."
When pressed further, Dr. Dunmore claimed that he would call the police.
Most of the information that could be found in YouTube videos and poorly written, self-published work can be summarized to suggest that all TDS sufferers start at the conclusion "orange man bad" and work their way back to any data that supports their claim, while ignoring, "all the good the President has done."
This definition is "supported" by the claim that TDS sufferers will do absolutely anything to vilify the President. Proponents of the idea that TDS is real are baffled by the fact that those supposedly afflicted with the condition are still wearing masks.
"It's like they didn't see the President wearing a mask," said John Kohl of Fiddington, IN. "How can they keep wearing masks if they know that the President wore one? I mean, we all know - WE KNOW - about this condition. Even if they claim to not have it or if they say it's not real, we know it's real. So, it just is mysterious that they can wear a mask when they know full well that he's wearing one. Must be something Deep State. You know what I mean?"
We didn't.
"It's like," Mr. Kohl paused. "It's like there's a mutation in the TDS. It's like they're all of a sudden going to start doing the things that the President does. Like, now, they're suddenly to going start saying that China doesn't have our best interests at heart or that we should breath oxygen."
"You've gotta understand," said David Polvinsky of Des Moines, IA, "These people will do anything they can to promote Barack Hussein Obama over Donald Trump. Anything. If Donald Trump wears a mask, people are going to be saying that Barack Obama doesn't wear a mask, and that makes him God or something. Well, now Trump's wearing a mask. What do you say to that? I bet people are saying that Obama doesn't, and it's better."
After being asked who had actually said anything about Barack Obama, Polvinsky erupted into a rage, screaming, "don't you say that name! It is a pox upon the land!"
After calming Mr. Polvinsky down by singing the Star Spangled Banner twice, the interview continued.
Both men were then furnished with polling data that showed Trump's detractors still favored wearing masks, videos were shown to both men of Barack Obama wearing a mask, and twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining that people who do not support the President still overwhelmingly support the wearing of masks, Mr. Kohl and Mr. Polvinsky claimed that they needed time to "think on the matter" because "it just didn't square with what they know about how Trump Derangement Syndrome works." They then asked several times if The Big Tobacco knew about or was associated with, "The Deep State."
