Man Who Has Never Read A Book Has Concerns About What Children Are Reading

(Quartain, TX) As 2023 sees new laws coming into effect all over the nation, a number of cultural battles are being highlighted. Among them, concerned teachers, parents, and students are having to justify their choices when it comes to what is appropriate for students to read. One Texas man is speaking out about what he feels are poor choices in our public education system.

"It seems to me," says Erik Dimarco, cryptocurrency enthusiast and YouTube viewer, "that if you teach our kids about what sex is, they're eventually going to want to have it. I mean, it happened to me. It can happen to anyone. They taught us about sex as early as the fourth grade, and the next thing you know, I'm thirty-six and I still really want to just, you know, get laid. I've seen videos of people doing it, and it looks amazing. This one time..."

Dimarco went on to describe, in graphic detail, a pornographic video that he watched instead of reading anything, which he has never done.

"They tried to make us read books in school, but I was too much of a free thinker," he continued. "I couldn't be stuck on some page for hours at a time. People who do that... I think there's just something wrong with them. But yeah, I heard that there's porno in books now, too. That's just polluting kids' minds. And how do we know what those kids are reading? We'd have to read the books, too, just to stay on top of them. It's just mind-blowing to me that we've got teachers out there who are telling kids that they should be able to read what they want. Is that really what we want to do? Is that really who we are? What if a kid reads about a gay and he turns into a gay?"

When pressed for detail about whether or not this can happen, Dimarco said that he wasn't sure, but he wasn't about to read a book to find out.

YAY!!! 2023 EXPECTED TO BE WARMEST YEAR YET!

 

(Worldwide) With climatologists ranking 2022 as the fifth warmest year since record keeping of this kind began, the expectations for average temperature in 2023 are high.
The report has met with an ecstatic response from summer enthusiasts all over the world.
"Eternal summer? What could be better?" asked surf shop owner Hal Fenwick, of Sandhall, SC.
"Warmer weather is, like, more, you know, good for plants and stuff, isn't it?" pointed out Bill Greene, a local GED aspirant and Sandhall's only amateur tour guide.
His opinion has been echoed by those on Capitol Hill. Moreover, it reflects a shift in responses to Climate Change, something vehemently denied by many Republican politicians.
"As we see public perception of the warming phenomenon change, along with some of my colleagues' arrival at a middle school level of scientific literacy, it's going to become important for us as a culture to recontextualize the idea of a warming world," said Rep. Steve White (R - TX). He went into further detail, saying, "Instead of James Inhofe bringing a snowball onto the Senate floor, we're looking more at the silver lining. I mean, who doesn't like summer? When I was a boy, we loved it. Beach trips. Girls in bikinis. No school. I mean, this is a win-win if we play it right."
In response, Rep. Susan Gordon (D - VT) fired back, "Are you kidding me? You know warmer temperatures mean more droughts, more and stronger hurricanes, desertification, destruction at all levels!"
Republicans, however, were too captivated with White's words to issue a response, as they were already in talks to draft an "Endless Summer Bill" that would end public education forever, thereby creating a space for even larger tax cuts, ending politically charged teacher's strikes, and ensuring that future generations would not have access to information or reasoning skills that might lay the blame for catastrophic societal and anthropological shift on the backs of those who not only did nothing to prevent it but actively tried to silence activists in favor of their own interests.

Editor's note: Recognize this article? Yes! It's a repost from 2019! Ha ha ha ha ha... We had no idea what was going to happen in 2020 at that point - imagine!