(New Jersey) From the President's comments last March to this poll that was taken last year, the USA's division has reached levels that many would say are unsustainable. Leading the charge is a group of people who live in some of the nation's most notorious dumps. Militias across the country are threatening to secede and to take the land that no one wants with them.
"These colors don't run!" growled fifty-six year-old Ben Ferris of Walling's Grove, NJ, brandishing a Bushmaster assault rifle in one hand and an insulin pump for his type 2 diabetes in the other. "Don't tread on me!"
When asked, specifically, what issues Mr. Ferris considered worthy of leading a secessionist movement, his reply was as follows:
"The 'demon-crats' think that they can take our guns away and bully our President. But, they never paid attention to the fact that the Pledge of Allegiance says, "...to the Republic for which it stands." If you're not voting Republican, you're going against the soul of our nation. Well, if that's what they're going to try to do, we'll just break away and form our own state."
Oddly enough, there was no response to his secessionist threats. In response, Dr. Alma Ramirez of the Political Science Department at the University of Pennsylvania had this to say, "Mr. Ferris' town of Walling's Grove has an unemployment rate of 73%, a median housing price of $23,000, and 'super fund' sites occupying 40% of the town's total area. It would appear that the country... doesn't... give a shit?"
Similar situations have cropped up around the nation. Hole, Florida; McKenzie, Georgia; Gerryhill, Alabama, and several other small, rural communities across the United States have put forward secessionist calls, as well. They have received no response from local, state, or national government. Federal representatives, when asked to comment, were unable to release official comment because they "could not believe it."
In response to the government's lack of comment, Ferris replied, "Hell yeah! These colors don't run! Blue lives matter! Oh-rah! Support the troops! Build the Wall! Lock 'er up! MAGA!"
No comments:
Post a Comment