(Areas Inside US Cultural Federation) As the NFL season comes to a close, fans are experiencing a variety of emotions: some good, some bad. Aaron Jenkinson of Bridalberg, KY has a number of opinions on the athletic and intellectual prowess of professionals whom he will never meet. None of these athletes have any geographical connection to the city or region where Jenkinson's favorite team plays. Hours of research, online debates about the nuances of different strategies and specific plays, and statistical analysis of individual players, teams, and conferences, have forged a conversational expertise in Jenkinson that can only be rivaled by roughly four in ten men in the United States. Despite complete and utter ignorance to contemporary subjects, such as the ongoing fires in Australia, the names of important US policymakers, and the location of Oregon on a map, Jenkinson is able to marshal use of the word "irredeemable," when it comes to movements surrounding a leather sheathed urethane sack of air.
"See, football is life," commented Jenkinson. When asked for further comment, he explained, "Like, it's just this whole way of life. You got people who're going to dress up on Sundays. They'll wear face paint. They yell and scream and rant and rave at the screen. That one boy in Philadelphia, he ate horse poop because them Eagles won it all. It's a passion."
When asked if he feels that his considerable energy expended toward the game makes a difference for the team that he supports, Jenkinson became more animated.
"I don't know about that. I mean, I know I surely do yell at the TV when there's a bad call or a close play, but it's, like, I can't say it doesn't. Look, there was this one time, when we were playing the Browns, and I swear, I screamed throw the dang thing, and you know what they did? Play action pass for a first down. I swear to you. I swear it on my mother. It was like we were in sync or something."
Though the current US President is battling an impeachment hearing that may set the tone for US politics and international relations for the foreseeable future, diplomatic interactions in the Middle East are at a very dangerous point, and lack of environmental policy appears to be accelerating Climate Change at a rate so disastrous that it may be exacerbating fires in places like Australia and Brazil, almost 73 million people, Jenkinson included, let out an enormous sigh of relief when the Patriots were taken out of the playoffs last week.
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