(Gordonsville, MI) - After what many would call a disastrous first term, Donald Trump is now celebrating a sixty-five point lead over his probable Democratic opponent, Joe Biden, thanks to a local man's successful internet argument with his brother-in-law's colleague on Facebook. Harold Robertson, a real estate marketing consultant, based outside of Franklin, Michigan, was able to point out that Donald Trump had never actually called the COVID-19 virus a hoax, blowing his liberal counterpart's mind.
"Those people will just believe anything the media tells them," he said. "Now, keep in mind, I'm not what you would call a 'typical Trump supporter.' I didn't really want to vote for him, but, I mean, Shillary - she was just a flat out lying criminal. I know you've heard of her e-mails and Benghazi and stuff. But, yeah, the media isn't giving Trump a fair shake. They're all just trying to make him look bad because they are on Soros' payroll."
Astounded by Robertson's erudite and well-researched claims, Stephen Drake, a welder, living in Fittsport, Rhode Island, could only say, "I just can't with these people anymore. We're living in a lock-down. I've got better things to do than engage people like that online. What am I going to say to him that's going to change his mind? What's the point?"
"So, after I pointed out that he so clearly had Trump Derangement Syndrome - which is super real. I can show you so many legit reports on it - he made some comment about Trump being an old, rich white guy. It's... it's freaking racist is what it is. Now, I've heard all that malarkey about how you can't be racist against white people, but that's not what the dictionary says. The freaking dictionary. Are you going to tell me that's wrong? You just can't talk to people like that. They assume that simply because you're white, you've been handed everything. I grew up in a trailer. A TRAILER. I'm not going to let some libtard sit there and tell me that I have white privilege. These people, they don't know what kind of a struggle you go through, and they just judge you for it. That's why you just, you just can't listen to anything that they say. It's sad, really."
Donald Trump has apparently said that he was "considering giving the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Robertson" for his defense of liberty and justice in this case. "Great guy, really. Great guy. I even heard that part of my surge in the polls was linked to his - you know - they said that I said that there were fine people on both sides of the Charlottesville protest, I was talking about the people defending the Robert E Lee statue, not the racists. I mean, it's just crazy how - it's insane when - you know, the news media twists things. They twist them like crazy. People are prejudiced in their own ways - everyone is prejudiced. They just buy it. Me? Defending racists? You know, I've been to Africa. I've been there. I've signed deals with those people. Many of them are really poor. So poor. You can't even imagine it."
When asked about Robertson again, Trump said, "Yeah, maybe a cabinet position or something like that. You think? I don't know."
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