SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS FOUND DEAD IN APPARENT OVERDOSE OF IRONY AS AMERICA BECOMES SOCIALIST OVERNIGHT

(Washington, DC) In the end, it was not defeat at the hands of Joe Biden or the entrenched interests of old guard Democrats. The Vermont senator was killed by neither heart attack nor coronavirus. Instead, the 78 year-old Brooklyn born Independent was felled by a surfeit of irony when Democrats and Republicans could not agree on how best to disseminate free financial and medical aid to US citizens in the wake of the pandemic that is sweeping the nation.
"It truly is a sad day when such a visionary had to be laid to rest. We agreed about a lot of things, I think. Mr. Sanders was an Independent Senator, but I think that you'll find the Democrats were very unkind to Bernie," said Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell. "Once we get those insane right wing Democrats to agree that the answer to this crisis is direct aid to individuals, we'll be able to honor Senator Sanders' memory. After all, it has always been the Democrats who have chiefly opposed Bernie. Look how hard Donald Trump pushed to get him to be the party's nominee. You think that dirt on Hunter Biden came out of nowhere?"
"The Democratic Party has always embraced Senator Sanders' ideas," said House Majority Leader, Nancy Pelosi. "The heart and soul of the left has always been a progressive agenda. I think that everyone knows just how hard we pushed to get him the nomination in 2016 and, again, this year. It's just such shame that certain fringe centrist elements - let's call them what they were: moderate Republicans -  didn't think he was electable. We always knew that he was. Always. I really do believe that the Republicans will eventually see the error of their ways and vote for direct aid to the people - they may not have liked Bernie Sanders' positions when he was alive, but I hope that they will at least honor his memory."
The "Bernie Bros" have responded on social media in large numbers, calling the late Senator's death a conspiracy.
#ironydoesntmeltsteelbeams #makeamericasincereagain #hesnotdeadhesjustinheremails and #hillaryclintonisalanismorisetteindisguise have become common hashtags on websites honoring Bernie Sanders and calling for more investigation into his demise. One common theory is that both political parties knew that he was right, and, in an effort to beat him to an inevitable outcome, teamed up to spike the Senator's news feed with the single most ironic event since Idanell "Nellie" Brill Connally told John F. Kennedy Jr., "You can't say that Dallas doesn't love you."