NTH LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS APPLIED TO US POLITICAL SYSTEM

 

Functioning within the confines of the current system, we cannot change the current system

(USA) - With record-shattering turnout at early voting, US voters are trying to be very clear about their political preferences this year. After 2016's political upset, many polling statisticians and media pundits are being more careful about their predictions. A different kind of poll, however, was conducted by the Big Tobacco, and the results were surprising. As divided as the American public is on a number of topics, there is agreement on at least one.

"Oh yeah, this system is totally f***ed," said John Mews of Franklingtonville, CT. "Two parties? It's a joke. Shame you can't, like, vote on getting a third party in. The two that are there will just say, 'no.' Biden's garbage, but, like, Trump's going to take away my neighbor's right to marry."

"I mean, Trump's a real piece of s***," commented Billy Hunt of Samill, AL. "But, Biden? Come on. Crossfire Hurricane. Abuse of power. I just wish that the current system would let us do something about... you know... the current system."

As strange as it might seem, physicists - not political scientists - have figured out why this is happening.

"Well, it's just thermodynamics, isn't it?" posited Dr. Sheena Bouleware of University of Oregon. "Everything tends toward disorder. The more order you try to create, in doing so, you just create even more disorder. The problem with US politics is simply that it's a closed system. You cannot change the system from within the system because if you vote third party, you've wasted your time. If you vote for either of the two major parties, it's giving explicit approval to the powers that be. You cannot break even within the system because any vote you cast is reinforcing the status quo - just like the taxes you pay, helping to Yemeni kids into craters and allowing Israel to build settlements on top of the corpses of Palestinian widows. You cannot escape the system because our policies are everywhere and influencing everything. So, yeah, thermodynamics is in play within US politics. What, you think evolutionary biologists are going to tell you that humanity is going to live forever? Go ahead. Talk to them. I may be boring, but those guys are depressing as hell."

99.8% of registered voters that the Big Tobacco polled claimed that the political situation was hopeless, confirming Dr. Bouleware's sentiments. The remaining 0.2% were too busy foaming at the mouth and screaming unintelligibly. Oddly enough, it seemed to be mostly adverbs.

"Oh, right, we've got a democracy founded on the constitution," continued John Mews. "We can't just change things on a whim without revolution, and, I'm sorry, but I've got a mortgage. I'm fifty-one. I can't just do a revolution."

His comment was echoed by his counterpart, Mr. Hunt:

"I just wish we could do something about all this garbage. Democrats just want to burn the system down, but that's because they hate America. How can they just get rid of all of this heritage? Shame it came down to Trump."