(Norwheaton, TN) After having watched Anya Taylor-Joy play Beth Harmon in the chess centered Netflix series, "The Queen's Gambit," Donald "Donnie" Revere is unsure of why there is so much hype surrounding the show.
"So, she's, like, a girl playing chess. Oooh, and there's mean guys who stand in the way of her dream. Like, I play Call of Duty. Do you have any idea how many guys try to take me down on there? Yeah, it's all of them. And, they call me the n-word. I'd love to see how some 1960's red head would handle that kind of aggression. Don't forget that Call of Duty was made to simulate war. Chess is just a board game that requires a little bit of strategy here and there. They've got their little clocks and crap, but they didn't even have games on the level of this back then."
Revere claims that his prowess in strategic thinking is impeccable and that he cannot be beaten in something so simple as a two dimensional board game. To him, the fast-paced action of multiplayer a first person shooter is unattainable by something that can be contained within sixty-four squares. Though he has had mixed success in local tournaments, the forty-one year-old SEO specialist says that there is something akin to inflation when talking about the difference in the games.
"A pawn isn't going to hit you with a freaking grenade from an elevated position in chess. You don't have to watch out for tweens who don't care about their own lives trying to scope you from positions where they shouldn't even be. Do they have that in chess? No, because the game was invented like a hundred years ago. Look, all you have to do is just make sure all of the pieces are covering each other. It's not like rocket science. And, no one wants to hear this, but I'll just say it: women don't think strategically. It's not something that they've acquired over the years. Men have. It's like asking a horse to swim against a fish," said Revere. "Oh, and before you get all 'this guy's a sexist,' I totally voted for Hillary."
The Netflix show revolves around the ascendancy of Elizabeth Harmon, a chess prodigy who struggles with substance abuse. Revere binge watched the show with his girlfriend while hungover last Saturday. Afterwards, he explained that he played chess in junior high. And that it was alright but too easy.
"My brain just thinks too far ahead and too fast for that crap. I'd get anxious and forget things. If I were playing in front of all of those people, I'd focus. It'd be no big deal," he reflected. Looking at his girlfriend, Revere continued. "That Beth Harmon chick. She probably wouldn't get flustered playing a bunch of those skeevy chess dudes but put her up against a real dude, she'd be thinking about what every girl is thinking about most of the time."
Afterwards, Revere's girlfriend couldn't be reached for comment because she was too busy retching in the bathroom.
No comments:
Post a Comment