GOP ON FUTURE POLICE SHOOTINGS: WE ARE ALL SINNERS AND DESERVING OF DEATH

 

Constable doing "God's work"

(Washington, DC) - With the nation reeling from three recent and highly publicized killings of civilians at the hands of police officers, calls for defunding departments across the country have grown in number and volume. A group of Republicans at all levels of the US government signed their names to a statement, preemptively excusing all acts of violence on the part of law enforcement in the future. The action was immediately condemned by anyone who can imagine being shot by police. However, signers of the statement were quick to defend their actions on religious grounds.

"Look, through one man, sin and death entered the world. We are all sinners and deserving of death," said Rep. Alex "Tex" McGrudy (R-GA). "This is just the way that the world is. If a policeman shoots you, and you die, it's because you're a sinner. I'm a firm believer in biblical truth, and if you're worried about the police, my suggestion is just that you get good with God. If a policeman shot me next week, I'd thank him because I'd be in heaven. You can't say what's going to happen out there. Blame the police? Please, blame yourselves, sinners. God's the ultimate judge, jury, and executioner. And brother, once you're dead, he's really going to execute you if you aren't good with the Lord Jesus Christ."

"He's kidding, right?" asked Rep. Brenda Herrera (D-CA). "This is just another attempt on the part of the GOP to hide its bigotry and predeliction for fascism behind religion. We cannot sit idly by and give police officers a pass on being as trigger happy as they are. It's a deeply cultural issue within police departments across the US. People like Representative McGrudy are making it even worse."

McGrudy could not be reached for further comment because he was loudly praying in a public place.