LICH PRINCE DEFEATED

 

No! My phylactery!

(London, UK) The British Royal Family released a statement saying that the Duke of Edinburgh and husband to Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, died in 1995, having formed a pact with dark powers as a way of prolonging his own life. By surrendering his vital essence to evil, the Prince became undead and was able to continue practicing his diabolical arts, such as making comments like, "Do you still throw spears at each other?" in 2002 to an indigenous entrepreneur in Australia.

While the Prince's arcane powers and demonic consorts were a family secret for more than two decades, they announced that he had been defeated by an intrepid band of adventurers, notably a cleric and a ranger, this past Friday. After enchanting the ranger's blade, the cleric was able to keep the entity of pure evil occupied with a variety of white magic spells. Having located the phylactery in a crypt beneath Buckingham palace, the ranger and her associates were able to destroy it, ending the extracoporeal presence of the Duke of Edinburgh and allowing the cleric to exorcise his physical body.

While unconfirmed, it is rumored that Prince Philip's final words were: I'll have my revenge! Wait until you find out what's keeping the Queen around!!!