UNMASKED BIDEN IS GREEDY REAL ESTATE DEVELOPER

Deport the Haitians! Pull troops out of Afghanistan! Mwa ha ha ha!

(Washington, DC) - After a twenty minute investigation of the White House grounds, a group of independent investigators from Crystal Cove discovered that Old Man Biden was actually a greedy real estate developer named Donald Trump. When tied up and unmasked, he had this to say:

"I've done the best- Look the job I've been doing- People think I'm nuts. They do. I mean, not you, OAN, you're the greatest. But I've just been doing a great job. Not criminal Hillary. She's the one you ought to be unmasking. Can you imagine? What do you think you'd find under the hood there? She's probably just Bill in a dress. Ew. Look, everyone knows that it was the best idea - I have a lot of wonderful ideas - everyone knows it was the best idea to pull troops out of Afghanistan. Do you think that wasn't my idea? Of course, it was my idea. I'd have gotten away with it if it weren't for you... what are you? You're not kids. The one in the neckerchief looks like he's thirty. The redhead... well... she can investigate me any time. Mrrowll... Point being, she's legal. She's definitely legal. But yeah, I am getting away with it, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"

The teens who were revealed to not actually be teens were then gunned down by White House security. It was revealed that at least one of them was under the influence of DC's recently legalized marijuana.