ACTUAL LIBERALS UNCERTAIN OF WHEN TO START TALKING ABOUT REAL CHANGE AGAIN

 

"We need to talk about the Electoral College."

(United States of America) With the announcement that Joe Biden is the projected winner of the 2020 Presidential race, many across the globe are sighing with relief that Donald Trump has not been elected to a second term. While the President angrily takes to Twitter, and Democrats are posting Gritty memes all over social media, actual liberals are all wondering, "When can we start talking with centrists about change that will actually mean something?"

"I can't wait to return to the firebrand level of progressivism circa 2012," said Ashton Greene, of Charleston, SC. The twenty-eight year-old systems administrator rolled his eyes. "You know Biden is going to be fine with the electoral college because it elected him. That makes it fair, you know? Like, he's probably already forgotten that all of us were biting our nails when he was up by almost four million votes, and it still wasn't a done deal. Like, that's just stupid. And the Supreme Court? They could still overturn Roe v. Wade. Under. Their. Noses. But, you can't say anything like right now. You just can't."

Greene's friends were dancing in the street, participating in socially distant backyard celebrations, and blaring songs like, "Philadelphia Freedom" and "YMCA" from their car stereos. Half-heartedly, the former Bernie Sanders supporter joined in but was largely without comment.

"Biden doesn't even really support universal healthcare, and, I mean, he's stepped away from the Hyde amendment, but he wasn't always so left of right, if you get what I'm saying. Oh yeah, and his version of the Green New Deal? I'm not holding my breath," said Farah Charles of Newport, CT. "They've already, to all appearances, frozen out anyone that might actually be progressive from cabinet positions. It's same shit, different day for the establishment."

Greene and Charles are not the only one doubting the Biden presidency.

"We've been standing back and standing by, Mr. President," says John Lucas, a militiaman in North Dakota. "I think the system is broken, and I am ready to help."

Visibly disturbed by the equivalency, Mr. Greene pointed out, "Look, I'm in favor of revolution, but, uh, not with those guys. They're, uh, more for like a fascist coup?"

"Oh, yeah, that guy?" said Lucas, "I'm probably going to shoot him before I gun down anyone for the President."

George Soros could not be reached for comment.