"Remember when our worst scandal was a tan suit? Remember when Obama passed the Affordable Care Act? Remember when Navy SEALs killed Osama Bin Laden? Well, the good times are coming back if you vote for good ole Uncle Joe. We want to Make America Great Again."
The Trump administration is already pursuing legal action on the basis of copyright infringement. With a spokesperson releasing this statement:
"The crooked Biden campaign couldn't even come up with its own slogan. This is clearly plagiarism, and worse than that, it's based on lies. Things weren't better under Barack Hussein Obama. Americans are happy and wealthier under President Trump, and we want things to stay that way. Besides, everyone knows that Make America Great Again refers to a time when col- black people had to eat in different restaurants, attend different schools, and use different bathrooms. America was better when we drove cars that got a mile to a gallon, the commie liberals weren't trying to pull down statues of our confederate heroes, and the your gay uncle was just thought of as weird and had to stay in the closet his entire life. Marriage was between a man, his wife, and probably two or three mistresses. You could have two martinis for lunch, and there was no such thing as an abortion clinic."
Polling data has already reflected the confusion of the American public as the most recent reports from the NYT and Fox News have shown that the majority of the public now intends to vote against both candidates.
"Are you kidding me?" says Clive Horowitz, an accountant from Gunn, IN. "Who else have we got? I mean really? My four year-old would do a better job than either of these jokers. Biden wants to bring us back to an era in politics where the liberals were all patting themselves on the back while the conservatives were stacking the deck for the coming years. Trump wants to relegate all power to the states, which is just code for turning every state that has a rural population into a confederacy of itself. This is just nuts. I hope we get invaded. I do. Maybe, the occupying powers will be better than the idiots in Washington."
In answering the same question, Allen Ingram of Vesper, GA, had this to say, "I don't know why Trump had to say that there were good people on both sides of that rally in Charlottesville. There were people who wanted to keep up the statues of soldiers who fought to keep the power to decide whether or not you could own people in the hands of the states, and then there were assholes who wanted to erase my history. My great grandfather was a slave catcher. That's part of my history. How could our President say that people who wanted to take down the statue had good people on their side? That's just reprehensible. And Biden? Hasn't he tried to say that touching women is bad? I mean, I know he does it, but he's tried to, like, back away from sexual harassment and stuff. Why? If you want my vote, you need to be unafraid to grab 'em by the, well, you heard what Trump said. I just wish I could vote for DJT again, but if you're going to say that the people trying to tear down my heritage had some good people on their side, I just can't vote for you in good conscience. Plus, he assumed that there were some very good people from Mexican countries. That's just ridiculous."
Dr. Alma Spruill of the Political Science Department at Bellinghaus University had this to say, "It really isn't surprising in the least that the American public is confused. Biden is Trump is Biden is Trump, ad nauseam. A lot of people think that anyone who says that the two major political parties in the US are different shades of the same color just isn't paying attention. The truth of the matter is that the Democratic party has been pulled so far right that they aren't even left anymore. For context, can you imagine the progressives in countries where the police are not armed coming down hard on the side of funding the police with military equipment? In the US, they do. Can you imagine a left wing politician in Finland saying that progressives need to build a big tent for pro-lifers? Klobuchar, one of Biden's short list for VP, said that. So, what do you do? I don't know. I mean, you can vote Biden and hope and pray that he's going to pull things left. If you're a Trump supporter, and you want more reactionary right wing change, I think you have to go out into the woods and join a militia. Either way, I'm resigning my post at this institution. I have plans to walk into the sea today with a lady from the English department. Best of luck to you all."
No comments:
Post a Comment